why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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