So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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