i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
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I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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