having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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