i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Congratulations! We have a period
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