I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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