I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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