Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
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I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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