Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize