Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize