It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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