Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just found a bag of teeth...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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