your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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