He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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