i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize