8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize