HIV tests are more positive than that guy
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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