Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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