I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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