My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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