ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize