Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
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the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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