I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You may now shotgun with the bride
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize