I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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