The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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