it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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