Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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