I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My life is pants optional.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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