ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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