Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
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I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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