I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize