i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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