Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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