Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize