just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize