There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
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the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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