Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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