im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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