Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize