you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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