You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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