she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize