I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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