If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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