Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
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Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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