don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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