is wine microwaveable?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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