If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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