Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize