And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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